Balance

We are all pulled in numerous directions at once and have personal goals we are trying to fulfill, so where does one find balance?

There is so much to do here: work, garden, house, family, and then I go throw writing a book on top of that and trying to find an agent to take it on.  The later makes all the others look like a rigged cake walk at the county fair.  I give that a lot of time and energy and force myself to look away when other things need to be done.  Eventually, I have to throw the counterbalance and spend time trying to finish the other things I have set out to do, and that starts the seesaw effect.

 

Then, I have the constant struggle of who I am, accepting the life I have chosen here, and balancing that with the person I was when I left the United States.  There is a true struggle of where I call “home”.  I don’t regret my choices, but this adds an additional layer of difficulty while trying to fit in and yet being true to my identity.  I am who I am; I don’t try to pretend to be French, but some of things that have passed in the United States since I’ve left have truly surprised me.  I do look at things different now. 

That word, balance; it is so easy to say and yet extremely difficult to achieve.  The “what I want” and “what I need” are always in a debate.  Their equilibrium is something I struggle with, and yet I feel I have a clear picture of their differences.

Besides writing, I have big goals and one might soon be taking up more time.  We have to find balance in our budget to achieve this, but that means another thing has got to give.  Is that balance?  Moments like this present doubt and give me pause as to where a negotiation needs to be made.  A negotiation that meets my personal needs, are realistic, and that would achieve the goal of a satisfied equilibrium. If one thing takes up more time than it gives back, should it be in the equation anymore?    Is accepting it part of a realistic balance that can be maintained?  Does it compromise balance?  It’s a conundrum, and finding the symmetry that answers that question is not an easy one.